So it has been exactly a week since I parted ways with my Piano teacher in what can only be described as a weird, out of control miscommunication and adult interaction.
Looking back on it now I still feel really confused as to what happened, almost like a vague dream that you’ve just woken up from and you squint your eyes in concentration to try to figure out what happened!
So a week ago today I went to my Piano Lesson as I did every Thursday at 6:30 for 13 weeks. I was excited and proud because I had gone through this professional and personal goal process at work 12 weeks ago and had set (a difficult but attainable, I thought) goal of learning two songs in 12 weeks after never playing the piano before.
The lesson began with causal chit-chat and coffee (unusual for us, normally we began playing right away). She served my coffee on this nice china with cup and saucer and silver spoon, very proper. As we were sipping and moved closer to the piano the conversation came up as to when I would “perform” my formal recital since it was the end of the 12 weeks. I explained that it was not needed, it was more of an informal goals project at work. Then somehow she and I had mis-communicated about which song was to be my second song. She thought it was this Bach prelude that I still couldn’t play and I thought it was the two songs “RoadRunner” and “Tinkle Twinkle little star” (both hands baby!). She got agitated quickly as I explained that I was not ready with the Bach piece because there were parts that were too hard for me. She then sat at the piano and played the parts I thought were hard and said “these are easy, you should know this.” Yes! She said that, exact words. Strait face. I felt like a 10-year-old who failed a math quiz or something! Then the next 10 minutes spiraled out of control! It was like a storm in front of my eyes that just kept getting worse and worse, with little control. She and I argued over the recital, the Bach piece, her condescending approach to me, the goals project, the insufficient keyboard I was using at work to practice etc. It became a terrible interaction. She asked that I sit down and play the Bach piece. I told her I was still upset and really concerned about the miscommunication and how she spoke to me so condescending and negative. Then it got even more out of control – she told me that it was my choice to be upset and offended but we were not there (at her house) to talk we were there to play. She just refused to talk about the issue and you know me, I’m a pit bull, when I want to talk about something or do something I don’t let go! Bad combination! She then asked me again to play the piece, refusing to have a (grown up) conversation with me about our confrontation. So I tried to take a deep breath and play but when I got to the third measure I began choking up with tears. I explained that I could not play because I was so upset at our discussion. I was embarrassed. As I walked to the door she explained she would refund me for the lesson for next week not for tonight. I said that was fine. I thanked her and asked her one more time if we could talk, letting her know I had learned a lot from her and had wanted to keep learning from her. She repeated again that it was my choice to sit down and play music but there would be no discussion. She was very calm the whole time. She never got defensive or angry or raised her voice. I thanked her for her time and left (very distraught). I think I was less upset at her control and condescension that I was at the confusion of what the heck just happened in there!
A 12 week relationships over. A customer for her – gone. A weird feeling of confusion still when I play – I think of her. That will pass in time.
So anyways. I did it. I finished my two songs and despite the crazy end to my 12 week goal, I still feel good about what I learned and going through that process.
I also hired a new instructor who I interviewed yesterday (you know me, bounce back, get to it, waste no time!) He is great and is a much better fit for what I want to do, piano for fun and family music time, that’s it.
I followed up with an email to her asking for the check to be mailed to me for my refund. I still have not received it. I have forgiven her, really. I am not mad.
That night I felt really hurt about not being listened to. We all want our feelings to be heard! I also felt hurt at the disappointment of all my hard work with lessons over 3 months ending like that oh, the drama of it!
I don’t think I’ll ever really know what happened in her mind as she and I argued around the piano a week ago tonight.
You will never get clarity since she was unwilling to process what was happening. Maybe she just doesn’t know how and feels threatened by such honest interactions, feeling not in control. In any case, it is upsetting, for sure. (I wonder about HER piano teacher. Probably all business,)